I Should Really Call This Guy….
Our swapping experience was a turning point in my polyamorous journey.
I had a friend I had known for years and at the time when my world was crumbling and my husband and I were stumbling through the first steps of opening up, this old friend became a new friend in a way, and a serious beacon of light in the middle of this new and confusing journey.
For some reason, he picked up on the fact that I was going through something, so he reached out, and we started talking. A lot. Between hours on the phone and countless texts and emails, we got really close.
Trust was building and over time I found out that he and his wife were on a similar journey!
The reasons for their opening up were different from ours. He had a kink he felt was integral to who he was, that his wife was not interested in exploring with him. So they opened the doors of their relationship in hopes they could find something with others, they did not share between them.
This information was a shock and a huge relief because we could be completely real, and it very much pushed us together. Our friends and family, many of whom were mutual, knew nothing about our journeys, nor did we feel safe sharing with any of them. So this became a safe space for us both.
He was a bit ahead of me in this journey of self-discovery and helped dig me out of my emotional hole. At some point, he pointed me to platforms like Fetlife, where I could possibly find some resources as well as a like-minded community. He even helped me set up my account, which I’ve barely changed to this day :)
This guy was also a flirt at heart and was terrible at hiding what he was thinking, and it caused a bit of dissension between his wife and me over the years. I think it’s safe to say our feelings grew for each other over this process of in-depth connection, and I was still worried about stepping on his wife’s toes in any way.
Thankfully, that was less of an issue at this point, but I had to hear it from her before I could fully believe that the way we were interacting and the time we were spending talking, was ok. And this is one of the things I love about ethical non-monogamy to this day — it allows relationships to develop as they naturally would without having societal norms dictate where it is to go.
My friend lived pretty far away, but one weekend he and his wife came for a visit.
Let’s just say that too many wineries were visited and too much wine was consumed throughout our fun day, and before I knew what was happening, we’d swapped partners and had a rather interesting sexually charged evening! I won’t get into the fun gritty details at this point (that story is coming), but I very much felt that for my friend and me, this night was more about building that deeper connection rather than starting something romantic or sexual long term.
I was never really interested in an ongoing physical relationship with him. Still, I felt deeply for him all the same, and that night bonded us in a new way, without actually changing the nature of our relationship.
Who knew such things were possible?!
Our spouses were never close, but they got a fun story out of that night and never really talked again :) I got closer to my friend’s wife after this, which was an unexpected bonus. In fact, as I found out over time, she was grateful for my presence in her husband's life because she had always felt she did not have the capacity for the kind of friendship and endless in-depth discussion we seemed to share so easily, and this was actually a relief for her!
This encounter was my first indication that this path could have a way of working out for everyone.
We had an experience. No one was hurt. Some funny stories came out of it. And my friendship deepened with this man, despite the fact that it has never gone into physical territory again.
It was a turning point for me.
This was one of the experiences (possibly the most important one at the time) that brought me back to life and gave me hope that non-monogamy was not the path for only the insane.
I should really call this guy and thank him again!